happy 2012

happy new year! a new year has come and I hope 2012 will be a much much better year for me and everyone… I am so looking forward to start renovation anytime and cant wait to move in our home….

Aerith has grown so much over the past few months… she somehow knows that I am her mummy and will smile at me whenever she sees me.. but she still dunno how to flip… already 4.5mths.. she seems a little lazy to learn to flip.. I am patiently waiting for her to give me a surprise one day….

it was quite fun, talking to different contractors on our design.. we are not IDs, but we do have our own ideas on how to design our home… when I heard that ming was quoted 40-50k for her reno only… I feel that it is too expensive… well.. each of us has different requirements on the reno.. personally, our budget is only 15-20k… we realize that we can actually buy alot of read-made furnitures like shoe cabinet, vanity top with cabinet, even kitchen cabinet… of cos may have to compromise with the quality though…. we are really on tight budget… I gave up alot of carpentary works and hope we can try to save as much as we can…

will try to update more in this new year…

dec update

this is bad… I only update my blog monthly now…

happy news: I finally got my keys to our flat… requested to collect early cos I really cant wait to move out…. now in the midst of contacting different contractors, asking them for their quote… we decided to “design” our flat our own… and also due to very tight budget, ID is out… we realize that most IDs use a template-style to design the homes…. we feel that, we can look at magazines or the “show-case” designs on IDs album and get some ideas… we roughly have an idea on how to design our home… we just need more info on the materials and terms used…

am quite excited when I step in to our flat the 1st time… I can imagine how happy the 3 of us will be…. well… at least for me, I know I will be 100000 times happier staying with MIL… I rather do household chores myself… I dun mind every mth paying the installments of the flat… I can buy and decorate whatever I want now… if possible, I really wish my reno can start immediately.. my target to move in is latest by mid march…

another thing is, my gal is in infant care now… I am glad I insist my way to put her in infant care even though MIL offers to help… can see my gal is more independent now.. she still wants pple to carry her though… but definitely not everytime… my gal is happier as well… she knows how to smiles and coos at us when we talk/sing with her… the only downside is that I will worry abt her falling sick oftenly… I guess no choice… hope this way, can train her immune system…. of cos, if I have a choice and financial means allow, I will definitely be a SAHM… too bad, reality is cruel… single income is very taxing on us, especially when we have a kid, car and house now… so, weekends and every evening is very precious to me.. these are the only times that I can bond with my gal….

bad news is… MIL still “snatch” from me during the evening whenever we reach her hse…. I know she miss her granddaughter… but cant she realize that if she keep carrying my gal, then what abt me? I miss my gal too ok… I dun mind carrying my gal, but I just cant stand the way she is hogging to my daughter as if is her daughter… I also hate it when she ALWAYS want to apply ru yi oil on my gal’s tummy… I told many times, I dun like and I feel that its too hot for my gal… she just dun listen…

well… I shall endure for at most 3 more mths… after that, I will be free… I can educate my gal the way I want now…

in-law probs

why do  MIL always like to interfere how I teach and take care of my gal? I feel so restricted as a mum… I feel so frustrated staying with her… I’m glad my flat will be here soon and I no need to put on a mask in front of my MIL…

I hate it when she and SIL always carry Aerith immediately when Aerith just “eh” once… she is not even crying.. she just want attention… and wanting attention doesn’t mean she wan to be carried.. now my gal is spoiled.. she want to be carried everytime… all thanks to my “helpful” MIL and SIL… I really hate it when they carried her…

It’s no point talking to bear… as I mentioned many times… he always side his family…. for the past 2 weeks, I was so happy staying at my parents’ place when bear went for reservist… I can take care the way I want… I can take my own sweet time to carry Aerith when she cries loudly… but I cant do all these in MIL’s hse…

I really really hope I can collect my keys tomorrow and move in immediately… yes I am a bad DIL… seriously I dun wish to my MIL to move in with us when SIL got married… sometimes in my heart, I secretly wished that SIL can nvr find a bf and get married… I know I am bad… but I am really desperate to live without MIL…. I dun like pple to interfere with my way of handling..

bias-ness

all along, I knew my granny is those 重男轻女 type… but I nvr know that she can be so extreme… bear and me are extremely pissed off with her… since she dun respect us, I think there’s no need to respect her anymore…

I called and invited her personally to my gal’s full month celebration… even arranged transportation for her… we even went to her home personally on that day to invite her… she told us she was not feeling well for the past few days and just recovered, and she dun wan to pass her germs around… ok… we respect her decision and din force her…

 today is my cousin’s baby boy full month celebration.. yes its a baby BOY! and you know what.. my granny actually camE! I am ready to shoot and suan her anytime… bear couldnt take it anymore and shoot her loudly infront of many pple…

guess my grandma is too paiseh to say anything.. and she just pretend that she din hear anything… kaoz… well… that’s it… I’m not going to her birthday celebration from now on… she dun give us any respect, just becos I gave birth to a girl… so be it…

on my wedding day, she make a big fuss that we did not serve her tea first and almost refused to attend our wedding… now, she dun give a damn to my daughter… fine.. no more inviting her to whatever events now..

and whats wrong with giving birth to a gal? a girl great-grandchild is not a great-grandchild? only a boy can be considered? what is f*cking wrong with these old pple? and my granny, she despise girls so much? come on… she is a female… so she despise herself la… @#!$%…

bear say he’s not going to let Aerith call granny when she grow older.. and I totally agree… I think even Aerith greet her, she also wont give a damn… if she want respect from us, she better learn to respect us first…

Aerith is 3 mths old

my little milk monster is 3months old as of 15 Nov 2011… as of today, she is 14 weeks… I extended my maternity leave for another 2 weeks.. I shall go back to work on 5th Dec… I hope my colleagues and managers wont curse and swear…

going to put Aerith in infant care from 1 Dec onwards… everyone is still persuading me to change my mind to let my MIL take care… why should I ? This is my daughter.. I have the rights to decide what is best for her…

my little monster is 6.26kg now… formula milk contributed to most of her weight… I am very sad that my supply is so low… I tot I can breastfeed for at least 6 mths… I wanted to give the best to my gal… but sorry baby… mummy’s supply is really not enough for you… only can blame myself for not being hardworking in latching and pumping… this is definitely a regret for me… if I have a #2, I will try to total breastfeed…

its definitely not easy to breastfeed… especially when the elders are not supportive… but glad that my own mum still try to cook papaya soup for me, hoping to help me boost milk… really appreciate….

after I have become a mummy… I now understand why pple say its not easy to be a mum… I truly understand how my mum feels…

sometimes, I do feel frustrated with my gal… maybe I cried alot during pregnancy and now my gal does the same to me… I really dunno what she want at times… fed her, changed her diaper, cuddled her.. and yet she still cry… she likes to be carried and walk ard… all thanks to mil and sil for spoiling her… patting and rocking her whenever they carried her… I have said whatever I want… bear only know how to side her mum.. saying its normal and they have their own way… am really pissed off with that answer…  and that made me realized that my decision is really correct…

having a baby made my time so precious… I dun time to myself… my gal filled my mind 24/7.. its really really really tiring to be a mummy… and at times I do complain abt having my gal… but its all worth it when my gal smile and cooed at me… maybe thats the power of mummy love…

oh ya, and to update, we got our HLE letter… I am really happy… but bear seems otherwise… he dun feel as enthusiastic  as me… he simply bo chup which makes me think if he really want to move out… I hope we can get our keys soon… cant wait to move out… I had enough of staying with MIL… she is generally fine.. and a good MIL I would say… its my problem… I just want my own life and family….