random thots

my mind is in a random state from the moment I woke up this morning… I cant control.. and many things appear in my mind…

random #1 – purpose of life

why do we have to work to get money, to support ourselves.. what is the meaning of working… what do we actually work for? interest/passion or simply just for the sake of working… what is our purpose living actually? to grow and experience more sad things than happy things? to grow old and have tonnes of responsibilities on our shoulders? or simply just wait to die?

random #2 – imagine

I am being squeezed everyday in the train.. and most of the times, no matter how careful I am, I’m sure to be “touched” on my buttocks and waist… becos pple refused to move in.. and caused the “jam” near the door… I want to move in, but the possibility of me being touched is still high… I wonder if we do not need to travel by mrt… imagine the life where we can be like in games… we travel by teleporting… or just a jump and we are at our destination.. more time saved and we can have more slp… =)

random #3 – fate

whenever I reached raffles place, I always think whether I can see frens who are working in the same district as well.. fate is such a strange thing… if no fate, no matter how frequent you go that particular place, you wont find any familar faces… if fate is here, no matter how you avoid, also will many frens around…

just like in the past… becos just want to see J and being silly many yrs back… I always try to frequent pasir ris, even try to loiter around his place.. but we are not fated to be… I din see him even once b4… till now, although I am out of my silly-ness.. we are still not fated to see each other… but there is once he told me that we were actually sitting side by side in a cinema… but I totally unaware of that….

and tl, staying just a few blocks away from me and working just opp my office, but we din see each other when we go work nor go home as well… this is fate… fate just come and go silently.. we nvr know who we will meet the next min…

random #4 – totally random

if J and I didnt broke up, maybe we are already married and are young parents already… will I be happy with that life?
what would happen to me if I din meet bear at all? will I still be in the silly state? will I still harbour thots of getting together with J?
if I din accept bear that time, will my bf be another guy?
 if I was attached to another company instead of NCS @ MOE HQ,  will my life change?

so many questions and I guess no one in the world will have the answers to them…

 

worried

when u get old, all sorts of illness come knocking on the door…  I dunno what I can do to help my ageing father… seeing him not as healthy as last time, the feeling is hard to describe…  becos of his arthritis, he cant walk smoothly at all… he even had problems sitting down on a chair… haiz… everyday see him eat so many medicine, no wonder he has no appetite to eat… my heart really pains when I see him walk and had to eat so many medicine….

haiz… mama, though always nagging and scolding at him… can see that she is as worried as me…. she put too much salt in the veggies unknowingly….

now I know why I am so stubborn… this is inherited from papa… I know he dun wan me and mama to worry… we really cant do anything except to monitor… really hope things will turn out well….

if christmas wishes can really come true, I wish for very good health for my parents and the people around me…. and I wish we can go back to the past, where my happy family is…. even asked me to suffer on behalf of my parents, I also dun mind…

concern

I dunno whether its the trend now… I saw many stories of breakup in forums nowadays… and these breakups are not simple ones… most of them are breakups after
- applying for the flat
- selection of flat
- signing of agreement of lease
- after proposal

some even breakup after deposit payment of the banquet venue!!!

seriously, I dunno what’s wrong with these people who choose to break up after going through so much… yes, alot of money wasted… $$ for application of the flats (at least $10), selection ($2k), agreement of lease (at least 5% of the flat), proposal ring ( at least $2k I think) and not forgetting the 20% of the banquet.. wah lau…

forget abt the money issues.. even if its becos of incompatibility issues, then, in the 1st place, marriage should not be in the cards at all.. if one party think its not compatible or becos of infidelity, the more shouldnt commit to agreeing a marriage…. applying of flat is a long term thing.. shldnt becos everyone else is applying, then just follow blindly… be fair to those who really need a flat….

whenever I hear stories of such breakups, I feel angry and also very sad for the couple..  haiz…

and when I know abt frens’ breakup, I wanted to concern and know why… but at the same time, I’m afraid that I will be named as kapoh… how to let them know I just want to give them support, to lend them my ears or even my shoulders to cry on.. I think its a natural reaction to “ask” to frens whom you treasure alot…. but pple often misinterpret the intention…

becos of the fear of being labelled as kapoh, I try not to ask now… they will tell me when he/she feels like it…  if he/she is comfortable, I am always willing to listen even though I am not a good adviser…

concern is from the heart.. concern and kapoh is just a line of difference…